We all have a special way of showing the people we care about how we love them. It can be different for everyone. As described in the book by Dr Gary Chapman, there are 5 main “Languages” to communicate love. Today we are going to discuss the “Receiving Gifts” or Gift Giver Love Language. What it means, how to spot it in your family and how to show your ‘Gift Giver’ that you really love them.
Advice for parents, from a parent (not a doctor, counselor or trained professional – just a mother who cares).
What is the Gift Giver Love Language
If the term “Love Language” is a new idea for you, or, you would like a brief overview of the Five Love Languages and the importance they have in your parenting – you can read more about it in my previous post ‘Five Love Languages – The number one advice for parents.’
For some people receiving a well thought out gift is really important to them. It carries meaning or significance of some kind. The gift may be something extravagant, however, it’s more about the sentiment behind the gift that matters. For a “gift giver” the fact that you were thinking about them and wanted to get them something is what’s important to them. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive because that isn’t the point. It really does come down to the fact that you were thinking of them and wanted to show them by bringing them something tangible. These sentimental people ARE “The Gift Givers”.
How to spot the Gift Giver Love Language in your family
1 – They love to Give
The Gift Giver is possibly the easiest Love Language type to recognize. The reason for this is because they themselves love to give. As parents you may notice that one of your children loves to give you things. They share their food with you, they pick you a flower in the garden, they find you a special rock or offer you a beautiful shell at the beach. If this is regular behavior for that child, it is very likely they have the “Gifts” Love Language
2 – They like to keep everything
Another thing you may notice about your “Gift Giver” is they find it very hard to get rid of anything that someone has given them. Often everything gets kept. I know this from personal experience because my eldest child is a Gift Giver. She has so much ‘stuff’ in her room because it means a lot to her. She remembers who gave it to her and when, even if it was years ago. It may be broken, falling apart or have pieces missing but she wants to keep it because it’s sentimental. It carries the weight of love.
Navigating the “stuff”
As a bit of a neat freak myself, there has been a few disagreements between us at times. We found it very hard moving house with this particular child because she wanted to keep everything. Negotiations were made and we got there eventually – but it wasn’t easy to navigate. For me, as the parent, I had to make some huge compromises – moving was a big deal for her, I didn’t want to add to that by making her throw things out. Our relationship was more important than winning a battle. I would never want my family to feel like I didn’t care about the things they love.
Eventually we came up with a solution she was happy with, by gifting some things to other people. She was happy – because we were making other people happy, by giving. With the broken things, the idea of giving someone a broken toy made her feel sad, so she realized it was time for those particular things to go. As for the things that were “precious” – they of course moved with us.
Budget Friendly Ideas for your Gift Giver child
For people who are NOT gift givers, the idea of showing ‘love’ to their gift giver child or loved one can be rather overwhelming. In their mind they think, “This is going to be expensive” or “I don’t want to spoil them.” It’s now that I remind you the part where I said above – it doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy!
A true gift giver would rather something small than nothing. And not just at birthdays, Christmas or other special occasions. They need their bucket filled regularly, just like all the other Love Languages. So here are some inexpensive and easy ideas to let your gift giver know you are thinking of them…
- Send something little in the mail
- Get them a lollipop/ice-block/or treat from the store
- Pick them some wild flowers
- Wrap a treat in a bow for their lunchbox
- Have a special cup or plate that only they get to use
- Cut out a picture from a magazine of their favourite animal and make a card
- Let them have a turn with something special of yours
- Buy them their favourite fruit at the supermarket
- Draw or paint them a picture
- Find them a heart shaped rock or leaf
- When you meet older children for coffee, pay for theirs
As mentioned, the gifts don’t have to be fancy. They just need to be something tangible that is given with sentiment or thoughtfulness. And they love gifts that are a surprise – by this I mean, the timing is unexpected. So little gestures, regularly, will help keep their emotional bucket full.
Last thoughts about Gift Givers
One last thing I want to share about children that are gift givers. When they give you something, it’s important to them that you recognize it as love not just a ‘thing’. Thank them for it, have eye contact with them, let them put it in your hand, hold it for a while and then put it somewhere special where they can see it for a day or two. They understand you can’t keep everything forever, but for now – give it a special place because they just gave you, their heart!
Enjoy the journey! xxS
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